i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
