Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
