used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
FUCK WHALES
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