how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
