i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
