We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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