The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
