If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
