I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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