He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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