I'm lost and stupid without you.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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