her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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