Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
