when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
