Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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