so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
