Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
