in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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