Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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