You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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