Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
