miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
