did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He called his prostate his "boner button".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
