She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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