i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
