I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
