Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
