Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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