why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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