My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
