Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
