im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
