It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
