Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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