I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
