yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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