i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
