quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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