I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
