So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
