the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
