You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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