a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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