Small penises have feelings too.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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