Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
