Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
