I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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