Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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