I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
