I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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