loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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