So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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