don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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